wrong

I washed my sheets so the sent of you no longer lingers on me when I wake. Your tiny pieces of hair are no longer grazing my nose when I lay my head down. I picked up all of the photos of you and me and hid them in a dark box, ready to gather dust. Your cards you gave me, well those are still sitting on my bedside table but the pain to read them will be unbearable.

This is it. Take your memories I don't need them. Take your pride and your ignorance and push me farther into the ground. Manipulate me more and more until you get what you wanted from me,. until there is no more of me to give to anyone else.

Abuse me, slap me hard. Tell me I didn't give you what you wanted. Tell me again. Make me feel like shit so no one else has to, cause you know I'm best when insecure. Blame it all on me.

Control me, tell me what to do. Use me only when you need me.

Why can't I feel anything
from anyone other than you?

And all of this was all your fault

I stay wrecked and jealous for this,
for this simple reason
I just need to keep you in mind
as something larger than life

Alive

Sometimes it is better to bleed than to remain unscathed. Covered literally from head to toe in bruises, cuts, acne, bumps, ETC makes you human. People often say that pain is what makes you feel something, I disagree. I believe that it is the aftermath of that pain that makes you feel like you are living, like "shit, that sucked". Even things that don't leave a scar or a bruise, something positive like a memory or a picture; they are what makes us feel. It is the experiences I have lived out that make me hurt, smile, laugh, cry and feel alive.

When we feel... for lack of a better word, depressed, we allow those experiences that make us so alive in turn make us feel dead. The wrath comes from our souls being crushed and a loss of faith. \Faith in a higher power, faith in a loved one, faith in yourself.

Having faith in something or someone including yourself will turn your bruises into blessings and your scars into smiles. :)

Imagine a world with no tears, war, heartache, death. Although it may sound like a perfect world, we wouldn't feel. The pain helps us appriciate the good in life. The chance to make it what you want happens every morning when you wake. So it is with you... :)

redonkulous!

Working my ass off these past 5 days. Wow. Sickness has overcome me like the smell of grandma perfume. Reminding myself to breathe. Ahhh

How I used to manage so much in my world and suddenly I am overwhelmed. Constantly at battle with myself. My two very distinct personalities attack each other at times that they should be working cohesivley together.

I know it seems as though everything in your personal universe is against you. This is a reminder that it is not true. You are in control more than you think. Only you can control your own actions, and how you react to others actions. How you react is how your day will go. Mind over matter.

Well I leave you with amazing song lyrics from Pearl Jam, classic american artists. I envy them and the life that they have had making music. The times certainly have changed, doing what you love just isnt as easy anymore. How I wish that I could live on the road making music and having people love it, 60's status. Tonight I will dream of 1967 and seeing live music.



AMEN